"Learn to shave your legs for yourself" The female equivalent of "Be your own man"

I recognize that the majority of my readers are of the male persuasion, so instead of reading about lady problems and periods (Or Chuck Sauce as I like to write down on my Chuck Norris calendar), you can go ahead and scroll down and read the alternate I have prepared for my hairier, thicker brow'd friends. So, what do you say we crack a beer, scratch our balls (I'll substitute with scratchin' my cleav) and fart. All in unison, maybe the world will blow up.

Single now for almost a year and for the first time since I was 15, it's been quite the ride. You get so used to doing things for a joint cause that once that's over, you're left hanging. Like catching your belt loop on a nail, dangling 2 inches from the ground. You know you want to get down, and for once in your life, you actually wish your jeans would just give up and rip. Who reinforces their fucking belt loops, anyways? You're so close that your toes are scraping the ground. Getting down seems easy enough. But how does one unhook their belt loop from the nail of limbo?

You might have to scrap some of the things that you thought you knew about yourself. Chelsey, meet Chelsey. She likes cartoons, your mom jokes, pina coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
Hey, I had no idea that I liked pina coladas. This makes me happy to be me.
See? I told you it works.
It also helps to laugh a lot, love your friends a lot, dance a lot, sing a lot, watch movies by yourself a lot, drink a lot, throw up a lot, high five a lot, low five some (I wouldn't recommend going too crazy with those) and I promise, slowly but surely, that pesky little 'self loathing because you're single' problem will dissipate.

Here's our biggest problem. There are 3 instances why most women shave their legs.
1. It's summer, there might be men around, and we plan to wear shorts.
2. There's a special occasion, there might be men around, and we plan to wear a dress.
3. There might be men around and there is a possibility of getting up to some frisky business.
If none of these things are going on in our lives, and there aren't any prospects of a member of the opposite sex catching a glimpse, chances are we won't do it. 

Would you like to know the real secret to being happy with yourself, by yourself? You have to shave your legs for yourself. I know we've all had dry spells which of course are depressing. But doesn't it make it even more depressing when you lift up your pant leg and you look like you've gone straight up Amazon? God forbid we should look unappealing to a man (Or woman, I know I don't seem lesbian friendly, but I am) so why is it okay to knowingly look and feel sub par for ourselves? Make yourself happy, and the rest will all fall into place, eventually.

Be your own man, ladies. And just remember; Shave your legs for yourself.

                                         POUR HOMME

Boobs, ass, beer. Burp, fishing and wet tshirt contests! Titties, greasy food, hair in the sink? Mud wrestling... sex. Cigars and football. And I said nacho cheese! Pornography, changing channels, Chatelaine. Oh wait, that's not right. I meant Hustler. Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino! Masturbation? Well, that's just sports. Sports and dutch ovens. Bacon wrapped boobies. Can I get an amen?