Ode to Papa

Papa M at my sister's semi formal birthday bash

Papa Martin was born in nineteen number number in Superman's Fortress of Solitude to proud parents Grandma Sweet Lady and Grandpa Pop his dentures out at children. Born Dunnie Dunn Maria Martin, 16lbs 4oz, 147cm long, Daddio was the youngest of 5 kids, with a 17 year age gap between him and the oldest. So, in true youngest child fashion, my dad was the epitome of a little shit. If being an annoying kid was an Olympic sport, my dad would have brought home the gold. What can I say, I learned from the best.

Annoying his 3 older sisters was a game to my dad. He would do anything and everything he could think of just to chap their asses.
"Don, come help with the dishes." "Okay, but I'm only going to dry ONE fork, and ONE plate."
To this date, if he's feeling like a little shit, he'll annoy the crap right out of you. "Dad, go back a channel. I want to see that." "Oh, you mean this one?" And he goes up a channel.
"Dad, my hands are full, can you please help me carry this?"
Completely straight faced he will reply "You're interrupting my chips."
It makes my blood pressure sky rocket.

As I said before, Papa M likes to have himself a few rye and diet gingers, smoke his metal pipes and listen to blaring music until 4 o'clock in the morning. On a Tuesday. He will say to me "I'm going down memory lane, and YOU'RE coming with me." I pretend like I hate it, but going down memory lane with my dad is pretty much my favourite activity. We'll listen to RUSH and he'll tell me about how he was 17 when he first saw them on some terrible Canadian variety show/battle of the bands. He would smoke mass amounts of ganj, put on the head phones, and listen to 2112 and be taken on a musical journey. I've heard all of these stories countless times, but I'll never get tired of listening to them.


I didn't get to know my dad until I was turning 9 years old. I had a strange affliction toward torturing cats. I always thought it was kind of strange of course, until I saw him interact with a cat. Another instance of learning from the best.
If you leave my dad with your cat, chances are pretty good that he will do at least one of the following things:

• play your cat like an accordion
• make your cat look like it's running really fast
• make your cat play air drums
• make your cat play air guitar
• wrap your cat in a blanket for 45 minutes
• wear your cat as a scarf

It is ingrained in my DNA that I do the same. I just can't help myself. Like when you see a kitten and it's so cute that you just want to stick it's whole head in your mouth. What, you don't do that? Ha ha... I mean... I don't do that either. That would just be weird. Right?

I believe my dad to be one of the funniest people I have ever or will ever come into contact with. I'm a big fan of the phrases "Say whaaaaat?" and "Oh snap!" so my dad the cool guy, hip to all of the trends, looked at me one day and yelled out "Saaaaay what, su-nap!" I lizzed my pants for a solid 15 minutes. (Lizzing is laughing and wizzing combined.)

Some of the funniest moments I've had in the company of Dunnie Dunn:

In the parking lot of Dairy West, driving 8km/hr, windows down, in front of 15 or so people.
"Hey Dad, can we go to Dairy Delite?"
"No, but we can go to DAIRY WEST! WOOOOHOOOOOO!" at the top of his lungs. Of course everyone was staring at him, thinking he's some sort of handi-capable, but he just acted like nothing happened and instead looked at them like they were the stupid ones.

I had a stain on my shirt and I said "Hey Dad, can you shout this out?" And he said "Sure. GET OUT!"

I saw the movie Powder with my dad, and he thought it was sheer genius that every time someone yelled "Powder!" in the movie, he would yell out "Toooaaassst Maaaaaan!"

"Chinese isn't a real language. They just talk like that in front of us. And then when we're not around, they speak English."

Hip to new music trends, he likes to sing; "If you wanna be my lover, you've gotta be my friender." or "I'm still Jenny from the block BEEP BEEP. Used to have a little, now I have a lot BOOP BOOP."

Likes: Cartoons, video games, breakfast foods, smokin' dope, pajamas, saying "High five!" like Borat, slappin' the bass, being in a band called 'The Bumpin' Uglies' (ew), eating 2 of the 4 sticks of a KitKat bar, buying presents at the As Seen on TV store (neon pendulum clocks, giant sneaker slippers, dolphin mobiles), making a face and pointing in photos to make it look like he's saying something interesting, naming his cat Mrs Bigglesworth, and pretending to be a french rapper.

"Hmm yes, I concur."

Dislikes: When I use too much ketchup "You did that on purpose didn't you. You're trying to eat allllll the ketchup." "Yes Dad, I'm trying to eat all of your no name ketchup. You figured out my master plan.", when I don't put the lid back on the toothpaste, bananas, ugly people, Corner Gas, when people say "supposibly" or "7am in the morning", and the girl's voice on the Brantford radio station. It drives him absolutely nuts, but he still insists on listening to it. "I wish that she would just shut the hell up."
I wish that he would just change the frigging station.