Despite popular belief, a contest is for entering. Dicks.

So, since you people suck major testicles at life, the winner and only fucking entry, is Alex! Thank you Alex, for being so wonderful and not as ball sucky as everyone else.


Here's a little about Alex:


Alex, born Alex Rodriguez Pasquel on June 9th, in the smallest town in the world called Hum, located in the central part of Istria, Northwest Croatia. Population: 23. At 14, Alex decided he no longer wanted to be a goat farmer with parents Lynn and Richard, so he opted for a good education. So he pillaged the small town of Hum, collecting every kuna (Croatian currency) and putting it in his travel to Canada jar. His travel to Canada jar being the skull of the last guy who told him he wasn't allowed to steal his kunas. So, he raped and pillaged for about 6 years, earning the name "Alex the raper and pillager". Sure enough, his perseverance paid off, and by 20 he finally arrived at his long sought after destination; The Great White North. But then he said "Screw education." and decided to work at a grocery store.
You're my boy, Alex. Without further adieu, Alex's funnies...

"Saying cheers instead of thanks is for retards and British people"

Fads piss me off. I hate the double down, I hate Suzanne Somers thighs, and I hated when people felt the need to call everyone "Boss" for 14 months of time. Unfortunately, the "boss" nonsense has toned itself down, but I still hear people using "cheers" instead of thanks. It makes no sense, it sounds retarded, and it really pisses me off.


When you are at the bar, drunk off your ass and you order another pitcher of Labatt fifty between incoherent pick up attempts of the waitress, you can let it slide when she brings the beer, likely infiltrated with three stds and six CCs of urine, and says "cheers". Alcohol is involved, so cheers makes sense.


Likewise when you are in Easter Gwillumburyfordshireton, England, and the jolly ol bar keep gives you some deep fried pig ears and a warm beer, and says "cheers" when you pay him, it is acceptable. Food is involved, alcohol, albeit poorly climately controlled, is involved, and you're in fucking Britain.


However. When you are in Brantford Ontario, and someone holds the door open for you, you do NOT say cheers. If I hold the door open for you, and you say cheers, you have 3.7 seconds to hand me a beer, or I will pick your ass up, place you back outside of the establishment, and reslam the door in your face.


Fads piss me off, and word-fads are the gnarly tentacled pude covered grandmothers of all fads. I fucking hate them. I would humbly plead that all people please end the cheers fad. It would make 2011 the most amazing year by having the double whammy of losing an unnecessary word-fad, as well as hopefully, and I pray to shit I don't jinx it, the first calendar year in almost a decade where I won't have to hear another shitty song by fucking Fallout Boy. Fat guys with lesbian haircuts hidden under military hats make me vomit fire.


Thanks for reading,


Horace G Rockafeller,


Cheers.


Aw fuck, delete that. My backspace button is broken or I'd do myself.
God dammit. If you see me running toward you with a pipe in the next 16 hours, it is because I'm banking on your having not read this yet, and I can knock you out and steal your computer, again banking on you still being logged into facebook, so I can delete this message and resend it Cheers-free.

Alex, you are delightful. Delightful, and you smell nice. If, like me, you would like to read more of Alex Rodriguez Pasquel's quirky humour, shoot over to Uncle Chunkle's Words of Wisdom http://chunkle.blogspot.com/

Sparkle Out.