Chapter 5: The family of avid skiers. Wait, does anyone actually like to ski?

So my friend asked me today, "How do you know what you're going to write about? Do you have these planned?"
I have nothing planned. I sit down, and I write whatever comes to the old bean. I brainstorm a few ideas throughout the day, but for the most part, I'm flying by the seat of my pants. When I tell you what I'm going to write about next time, I have randomly pulled something out of my ass and then I decided, yep, that's what I'm gonna write about. I kind of have to now that I just told everyone I was going to. Cause if I didn't, that would just be hella lame.


I would like you all to know, that all of my stories are 100% true. And from the bottom of my heart, I'm not really even embellishing much. I wouldn't lie to you, you complete me. I'm really just this strange. Pinky swear.


The same friend asked "Were your parents hippies?" and I said "I guess they kind of were." "That explains a lot."
Pfft.


Chapter 5: The family of avid skiers. Wait, does anyone actually like to ski?


Answer: No.


Some families have family hobbies that they enjoy together. These families are strange and they are most likely robots.


My step dad liked to ski. So of course, this meant we were going to ski, and we were going to damn well like it. Not only did we all hate the cold, snow, and ice, but we hated absolutely everything about skiing.
It would be one thing if we got cool equipment, maybe a bad ass ski jacket and matching snow pants with the suspenders. (All I wanted were the fucking snow pants with the suspenders.) But instead of choosing to be fashion forward... We all got snowsuits. Keep in mind, this is the early 90's, so you can just imagine a family of 5 assholes in early 90's snowsuits.

It's not good. It's really hard to feel cool when you're rocking a fluorescent yellow, pink and orange one-sie. You're not rocking it one frigging bit. What you are, is an extra for a Body Break commercial.


Side note: I also had to wear this God awful snowsuit to school (I was probably in grade 2) with winter boots that weighed 16 pounds each and took 25 minutes to get on. Per boot. My sister would literally have to drag me the whole way to school by my arm while I screamed "I LOOK LIKE A HIPPOOOOO!"
As you can tell, my one-sie wasn't my favourite article of clothing.


So, a-skiing we would go, a few times a week. You'd assume that skiing multiple times a week, every winter, that we would get kind of good at it, right? Man, are you ever wrong. You know what they say when you assume something. It makes an ass out of you and only you. Not me. Don't look at me like that, you're the idiot.


My step dad would take off zooming down the hill by himself, considering he was the only one who had any sort of skiing skill whatsoever, leaving the rest of us in his dust (Or powder... Or whatever the hell cool winter sport slang that would be). And then off the girls went! Kind of. The reflection of our snowsuits off of the snow; blinding, legs spread, arms out, scare crowing in a straight line, all the way down the hill. (If you don't know what that means, just picture a Scarecrow on skis.)
Since everyone was forced to "enjoy" skiing so much, the parents decided we should take a fun old fashioned family ski trip to Vermont. And when I say take, I mean drive. How we lived through that drive, I'll never know. 9 and a half hours of us (girls 7, 12 and 14 years of age) singing "We will, we will rock you. Buddy you're an old man, young man, dumb man, fat man, stinky man..." and so on and so fourth, for the duration of the drive. But it was so worth it, let me tell you. What a week of fun. Skiing and Yahtzee. My
two favourite things. I'll only try to stab you in the neck with a pen a couple of times. I promise. (I can be a bit of a sore loser.)


One positive thing I can say about my skiing experience, at least I got a pair of skis. It didn't turn out the way most things do. One ski for each sister, and I have to pretend to ski with a garbage bag split in two.
　
My name is Chelsey, I like long walks on the beach, skiing and playing Yahtzee.